lovely_hazel

ERIC eric ERIC

2005-02-25T09:55:00.000+08:00

he read my online journey. I feel quite bad about it coz everything sound like I haven got over lionel.. surprisely he is not that affected by it, and even said everything had pasted and he want the new ME. Yeah, everytime he said all these i 'm alway very touch.
However, I feel the chemistry between the two of us no longer as strong as last time. Perhap coz he is sick these days, but luckily he still treating me all right and still very sweet. Hope everything can last longer...

that's really the end of US

2005-02-08T15:01:00.000+08:00

I totally gave up on Lionel! Thanks all the credit to my buddy, Edmond, yujing and ERIC and tho I left out. I'm quite silly at the begining coz i cant take it and I cant get use to it, most imporatntly @ this festival which I alway spend my time wif him.
Many think that he will come and look for me when he come back from Oz, but I not gonna get back with him. I'll feel letting all my friez down. he did so much to hurt me...

Eric & Jeric

2005-01-30T13:13:00.000+08:00

I had been torture mentally by Jeric these days, dont dare to go home, didnt sleep well.. He really scare me these days. He simply scary! I cried that day when he refuse to let go of my hand. That face just simply so scary like My scary dad! One worse thing is he even wait for me @ my doorstep! I really drove carzy by him! Nearly mad! I think all Jeric's act is due to Eric's appear! He is jealous of Eric. I think he is damn selfish! He think i had to be the way I am alway!
On the other hand, I really enjoy Eric accompany! He dotes me lots. ( maybe coz honeymoon period) But I know he treating me differently wif other gal friend! It is not I'm that good or what, it's just coz I'm lucky that we start now but not earlier! Coz he is more mature now. known this Pig for more than 5 years, he alway on and off calling me for advise for treating his galfriez. and he is damn super nosy on it due to his shyness! and now he is more open up.
we went chinatown lastnite and then we went camping. we really enjoy each other's accompany!

Jeric the troublemaker

2005-01-27T06:31:00.000+08:00

Last nite Jeric keep calling when I'm talking to Eric, pestering me. I ignore.worse still he came to my place,I gotta talk to him when he knocked at my doorstep coz I really dont wish to awake another troublemaker.
I talked to him at the void deck. My heart got fusrated coz Eric is waiting for me. I felt really tired listening to him, he is such an idolit! He keep repeating things I dun wanna listen, I wonder is he crazy?!

25th jan & 26th Jan

2005-01-26T20:44:00.000+08:00

Yesterday is my one of my most happiest day.I had a wonderful day with Eric. had lots lots fun with Eric! We went to lots of place, did many first time things of ours together.
I having honeymoon period with him. He did whatever I want to do. Love me, dote me... I love him so much...

I'm in love

2005-01-25T15:09:00.000+08:00

Everything so beautiful to me coz of him! I might sound innocent, my dear brother is like I gonna cheated by that guy but I dont care! I trust my own feeling and sense. I t might not able to last forever, I enjoy this sweet honeymoon period with him.
He taught me alot of stuffs.
He play with me till late but..
yet he will wake up for job everyday!
So he is respondsible!
He is so happening!
He give me things I want but he say he dont want to pamper me.. :(
He might make mistake but I'll forgive him
coz I know Nobody is perfect!
Everythings sound very sweet but we might not be together LONG!

I put my happiness in his saddness

2005-01-22T13:26:00.000+08:00

I know he is good, in term of treating me, character and everythings. I am lost about my aims, character and everythings about myself. I dun noe what myself want, I dun noe why I'm like that. I just feel sick of my own life.I carrying on my mistakes.
And I feel ..... about wat happened in life.
I treasure her alot, maybe once she been so good to me. Perhap due to me, everything changed, but i reallly not sure what's going on there. I feel very scare is that whenever I heard she talk behind her friez I feel so scare, wonder if I'm also one of her headline as well. And I know well it is human natural and she definitely did. I still wish to treat her like last time but she disappointed me always. Just like the past Lionel.

I made mistake again!

2005-01-20T17:09:00.000+08:00

I make a mistake but yet I just dun care, just think it's okay, it's normal... Listening to Jay's song, go back to the past, I wish I can too but everything is fixed now, I just change my concept, my thinking and everythings that so scary..
I wish i'm not that evil! I'm no longer the ME!

I'm not lonely

2005-01-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

Sometime I don understand why my friez feel so weird that I stay home and they tend to think i'm lonely. When they ask me, I'll start to think I'm lonely and seem very pathetic. However, I actaclly had stpend too much, and I'm trying to save up for my new year clothes.
I miss Pork chop alot. He just keep running in my mind. I had been think how is he, miss him like life in hell. However, I'm not regret that I gave it away as I am not a good owner. But if anything happened him, I'll really blame myself. I have been thinking
getting a new dog, i really love dog but i know it will it will a vitim coz my family refuse look after it and most of the time i'm not around. But I just simply wish to get one. Eric had once offer to get one @ his place, but after he discovered how horrible I am, he changed his mind.
He had been talking to me these days, sometime I really think I'm an evil. However, my best friend say it's their luck... :(

I'm an evil!

2005-01-09T17:55:00.000+08:00

One funny thing I did Before i log on blog, I typed lonely_haze instead of lovely_haze. Am I that lonely?! Oh my god! I dont know why i continue carry on my path even I feel insecure. As feeling insecure, I looked for floats. I wish I could just settle down but I find none that is suitable. Being so evil that I just hang on my floats. I'm very lost, I dun noe what to do.

The concept of being together

2005-01-03T01:23:00.000+08:00

My concept of being together had changed! Due to the influence of my friends as well as Lionel lee, my thinking changed again! This time even worse, I feel so scary of this world in someway.

Happy New year

2005-01-01T01:19:00.000+08:00

Happy new year, Hazel Cheung! I cried on the first day of 2005. I had a bad arguement with Lionel that day! I had a BBQ section as celebration, It is one of the toughest BBQ I ever had, I mean to start the fire. I enjoy myself alot, but somehow still feel abit lonely.

I know something wrong

2004-12-28T11:42:00.000+08:00

I feel pity for this happened. I know something happened between us, there must be misunderstanding or something else... My net friez told me to talk to her and misunderstanding can be clear. However, I have no gut! I really dont dare to talk thing out to her, coz I wonder if I could take what she said! I keep pester my net friez for help and he laugh at me for saying he like my assitant helping me write the speech. So I choose to left which I indeed indeed think a Pity! People see me another way round, I wonder why I cant take out my courage?! I dun wish to lost someone like that due to my this sturborness. But what can I do? I told Lionel, but he just dont understand how important is she to me, all thing to him is no big deal!

Use to but not anymore

2004-12-27T01:12:00.000+08:00

Use to be very good, use to be very close but not anymore. Isnt relationship of human scary? sometime this next moment that...
Yesterday I did something damn disgace! Cant forgive myself for doing that! When Kailing and puff regain some of my ugly scene, I began to feel lecturing myself. I cant forgive myself. Drinking overturn my day! I met Eric the Pig my buddy on Christmas. I didnt expect a long met, I thought we'll just had a short one, chat abit that all. I thought I should just enjoy my time with Kailing. And end up created so much troubles! Feel so sorry to trouble my friez. Exspeciallly Eric, Puff and Kailing!SORRY!

What should I do?!

2004-12-24T13:28:00.000+08:00

I had been spending spending wifout earning which I found super scary! Wish to get whatever job to make my life bz so I dont have the time to spend. Though Lionel allow me to buy, spend , shop but I juz feel guilty. I told him abit my boyfriend, I can sense that he is jealous of Anthony, maybe coz I just remember the goods, and lionel was just told the goods. That's y! I have long wanting to write my blog, so much I want to write but just too bz these days with lionel and now I forget. Something which I think is memorable.
Micky was not out of my mind totally, i wish he is. Sometime I almost called his name instead of Lionel when with Lionel. Lionel trying very hard to make me happy. Even my unreasonable demands, I know I'm unreasonable but I just simply act that way. Things actually got worse in this way, my temper got even worse. However, he just continuced and he said anything i feel happy wif, he'll do! In times, when he cant tolerate, he just use his words intoxicate me which really drive me crazy.
I wish I could just left this guy! I admire my friend, she will left when she said she want to. how come I just stick with this guy for my preious 7 years. I wish I could. I haven met someone that worth, and even the one worth I lost.

Should I? Shouldn't I?

2004-12-15T11:50:00.000+08:00

I msg him. Thanks him for everything. If not him, my temper wont change. If not him, there wont be today's Hazel. I am now more mature and more patience, force myself to act even I'm shy. I'm really grateful for everything! However, I am just wonderful did I hurt him by telling him these? I'm sorry if I really do.
Life with lionel now is great! He changed! He been more caring in the way that he think more for me and he know how to take care of me! Give in to me but I think he shouldn't coz I keep taking advantage and demand even more.. I told him but he said he dun wish to make the situration worse by adding oil to fire. He really did what he mean. He said he will do anything just to make me happy and he really did what I "order". I hope this will not just a temporaly period. I really thanks God that He made all these changes. I believe In God, I know He is so meciful to me, I feel quite bad as I didnt attend church service last week. God did lots of changes in my life.

What's going on in life?!

2004-12-12T15:26:00.000+08:00

Today is my brother's birthday! but he is in hk !
I'm suppose enjoying with my mummy and the funny friez xiaoqiang who was only 2 years old older than me, can u imagine my mummy has a friez in this age?! Funny she! However, I'm home alone as my eye got an infection! yesterday is an internal one which mean that the outernal me still can be seen but Oh mine! Today is an external one which mean my eye got swallow! So I stay home with a jealous heart!
Although I got an bad infection since yesterday cant see clearly, yet I still fulfill my promise to Jaw for his social dinner which worsen my condition. No regret been there, I really had a good dinner with him and fun at new asia bar. lionel called and I can sense that he is jealous and he somehow he keep sms me.It was crowed but fortunately, there's one holding a membership card and so we need not squeez but the bill cost them a bomb! Actaully it's more happening squeezing downstair so I force the bored Jaw to go down. It's the first time I feel that he is a gentlemen. This lucky nite, I got Jaw's friez drank by playing 5 10 with him. However, I got Jaw into trouble as he had to take care of that friez(he vommited) One thing I dun really wish to see in a guy! Poor Jaw had to send everyone home and Poor me is the last! I got a sad journey as Jaw drove to my familiar route and I think of him thuout thejourney! I hope no one see my tears rolled down my cheek! And finally hhe finished his mission! He must be damn super tired and he requested to stay at my place but I ignore him.

Recall my super bad experience

2004-12-10T10:00:00.000+08:00

I recieved the Feedback on Hong Kong International Airport and this recall me that bad experience there. Anyone read this might think this increditable! I missed my flight in HK when that evening I suppose to be back. The plane was still there but due to the sercurity politcy the attendance stop me from entering. I understand their policy, I'm juz getting angry coz there isnt any last call announcement as usual and so I didnt rush myself. Even worse part is that they took out my luggage without any notice! They even said that there might not be vacancy for the next flight! We had to wait several hours.. Cathy pacific can be consider the presentative of HK, therefore as a HK citizen, I got shame of their poor arragement.. This is really one of my worse super worse bad experience I ever had!

What I actually want?!

2004-12-08T22:44:00.000+08:00

Someone I looked forward to get respond messaged me, but I didnt reply. I wish everything just end like this if there isnt future for it. I went jogging, I ran 6 rounds so that my mind can more clear but it's not. I really dont know..
Lionel called, he talked about his future. I told him my problems, tell me how unhappy am I!

I have a wonderful time

2004-12-05T22:49:00.000+08:00

I thought everything will be tough for me and him but i'm wrong. He came and look for me when i'm back from hk.I feel so abit uncomfortable when i first saw him but after awhile everything is okay. Although he is not very caring, I can feel he really love me.I have a wonderful time with him.

i still cant take the fact

2004-12-03T01:32:00.001+08:00

I still cant accept that my granny had died few years. When I gonna leave HK, I still go and make a 2nd visit to her. I still cant take the fact that she had became a wall. Looking at the picture of her, I feel even more sad! Ever since she died, I didnt go back HK and alway I feel lonely in singpore without my relatives and my love ones. And this time I feel so happy spending my time with them, I feel that they really love me and they are alway there for me.
I really enjoy my time in HK these days and now I gotta leave. I have not eaten so much delicious food for such a long time..

i still cant take the fact

2004-12-03T01:32:00.000+08:00

All the best

2004-11-22T21:09:00.000+08:00

I'm think what goes wrong? Thinking am i that bad that cant be forgiven, feel so bad about it. I keep thinking but the more I think the more I feel scare. I just thinking let these be my lesson. And of coz all the best to everyone involves in this problem. I try not to think as the more I think the more unfair I feel. And not to make everything too clear to me although I wish to. But izit the more I know, the ugliest I see. Even now I feel so ugly of the fact, and so painful of what happened. so I should control my curiousity. I really just wish everything turn good to all with my sincere heart.
Is Lionel Lee really for me?
Can imagine myself with him again?! God, can u guide me? I know he cant change, I have the feeling toward it. However, what happened these days, I feel that You are somehow pushing me to him. God, I have faith in U. if You gave this to me, I'll recieve it happily for me I know You love me.
My mood was quite spoiled today as we didnt talk.Another reason is due to the gap between my relative as i have not been back for quite long. I hope I'm just too sensitive.

I got the same bad dreams for nites

2004-11-21T11:01:00.000+08:00

I have been having this same kind of bad dream for nites.. it is so scary to me. I just cant stop thinking when I wake up and I feel so scare when I think of it. Have been putting on weight as I have been eattting, not even a single min starving.
So today, I made up my mind of going on diet! As I dun wish to hit my weight to any unwanted digit! I went to the sport festival last nite. I cant deny that it is a good performance. It is all about Gongfu. As a non gongfu lover cant deny, u can imagine how good is the performance. I bet Anthony will love it if he was watching.
Dear God, I wish I wil not make that scary dream again. It is just simply too scary to me! And everything about it seem a nightmare to me. I really hope I can just simply forget about what had happened!

i'm mentally sick

2004-11-19T17:19:00.000+08:00

I feeel scare whenever I think back how I was been treated. In fact, I alway have nightmare whenever I thinking back. Somehow I'm just thinking I'm such a super failure!
Dont know how to be a daughter..
how to be a sister
how to be a gal friez
how to be a friez...
ETC
Such a failure!
I'm seriously mentally sick!

Oh my God

2004-11-18T21:47:00.000+08:00

I had spend alot due to my carelessness. I lost my immigrantion pass to China asnd spend a few hundreds on it, it is Sing dollar. It really caused me a bomb cum i haven pay up my hp bill which is another handphone bill. Somehow I really feel like buying the numbers in HK so I get some fast money but I just dont even wish to take that kind of money out.. My aunt offer to give me $, but I just feel abit bad at this age. Eatting caused me another bomb, so luckly I have my brother, my supplier for my snack!
Des had been calling me but never did I even answer one of it. I dont know how to face him. Should we still remain? I just wonder isit reallly true that no friendship between a gal ang a guy?!I feel abit cold here, how I wish i got someone to hug so that i can feel warmer.

sinS

2004-11-17T01:10:00.000+08:00

I lied! I lied to Des I'm going in the afternoon flight, when he want to meet up for dinner I still lied to him I am meeting someone else! Just all coz I dont wish, dont know how to face him. When someone ask if I miss him, I lied too. I feel terribly bad, extremely bad... about lying. But what can I do? The worse part is I even lie to myself, to force myself to believe which is not truly from my heart! why must I? stupid silly Fool!

Is this what God want me to be?!

2004-11-16T18:45:00.000+08:00

I was caught in the rain when I'm on my way to Arrah St, caught @ little india. I really cant get use the smell there. Standing there, looking at the rain, admiring the sence, I think this kind of moment I can alway slove my problem. Force think of the problems at this situration, as nothing you can do there.
She is very forgiving only to her love ones, I just keep thinking it is so unfair. However, I'm thinking maybe it is all fated and somehow feel that it is all God's will. So at that moment of time, I think I should let go though it maybe hard but if it is really God's will, I got to!
I'll enjoy myself during my trip back HK, and hopefully I do.

Super star?!

2004-11-16T01:39:00.000+08:00

I've been the centre of attraction! Wonder why? I got my mango tango all over my body at coffee club, HollandV by the careless waiter. I'm just kidding with my friez lucky it is not the ice passion tea dropped if not the ice-cream might landed on my head!
I'm stun asking if it is my birthday today to get into this cold suprise?!My friez was having a bad relationship problem so again I've been her entertainer. A pretty waitress actually help me wash& dry my top but the stain. The manager offer dry clean my top at the laundry but all closed. The most funny part is I'm wearing the coffee club staff uniform. The staffs still kidding with me asking if i'm their new staff.
I'm filled with sweet scent of mango.. So tired and they awake me by this suprise. Just a min, I became so attractive that everyone looks at me. It is really first in my life time. I can still remain in the uniform for an hour plus chatting with my friend, kidding with her the incident..
I have been laughing at winnie's alike incident, and today finally happened to me. So next time can share with her, and I bet she will definitely laugh till her stomach cramp!

Tomorrow never end

2004-11-15T01:34:00.000+08:00

It is really a tomorrow never end story.
Always not only me as well as others in my life, look at the speck in other's eye, but do not consider the plank in our own eye.
This story begin with what I written above..
and as the story goes on..
I realise in my daily life, which happen to me too is that I saw people seeing their enemies living happily,instead of feeling happy for them, they tend to say some negative side of their enemies to make their enemies down. And they do, they sucess! I rather petty these people, It is sincerely from my heart. I think they are living very miserablely. Why dont you just tell the facts?! I dont think they are happy even their aims are sucessed. I alway believe we should think positive, as I believe God will give us what we deserve! And we will live more happy! Loving a person doesnt mean we have to pocess him/ her. To love him is not to provoke him, cause him troubles(I did try to catch my love one attention by creating troubles to him)>>my childish act! Why not leave your love one with the sweetest memories?
The tongue create the most troubles which I 100% agreed! As I had met so much troubles due to my irritating face cum a nosy speaker! Therefore, I really wish God give me the strength in speaking. However, most importantly think before saying words, ur words might hurt your love one, and situration can not be change easily...

what should I do to change everything back?!

2004-11-13T23:21:00.000+08:00

Regret that there's a gap between my friendship. Somehow I juz dun know what should i do to change the situration and i just thinking of give up which i really think i should.
Very worry about my best friez who got dismiss from her school. I really hope her appeal would turn up to be a successful one. It is really a waste if she got dismissed! I have been praying for her.

Nowaday, I really love peace, just got sick of arguements. Maybe i'm old, cant take too much noise.. haha.. funny me!

Going back on 17th Wed

2004-11-12T18:39:00.000+08:00

I feel like crying when I saw the air ticket. I going to leave soon, like my deadline in love wif him. And by the time I came back, we will have our new story of our own. Isnt this great? Again, I'm laughing when I am feeling down. I feel sad. very sad! feel liike putting my mummy aeroplane, i really dont feel like going like I wish to forget everything! I love him!

SOoo Happy

2004-11-12T11:01:00.000+08:00

Yujing and ah pei finally get the car of her own. i can she is very happy, she had aimed this goal for so long and finally her dream come true. She worked very hard for it. I hope she continuce with her goals.
I failed one my of paper but I'm okay as I have expected I will failed that. Still remember what happened that nite before the paper! I just feeling abit gulity dont know how to bring this new to my mummy. Haiz..

I'm happy enough there's one understand me

2004-11-11T23:37:00.000+08:00

I just wish my love ones understand me whenever others think another way of me just like what winnie did in sem 1. She really impress me, someone who only know me a few month but yet she understand me, stand by me. I'm touch by her actions.
I do not need my love ones to defend me infront of others nor my enemies, It is great enough they understand me. I mean others who dont understand my behaviour and they think the other way of me but though who understand me know the reasons and what is the actual me. I feel so hurt these days that my love one dont understand me, utter statement which is not right show me that he dont understand me. Isnt it hurt?! Give me more reasons leaving. Thanks!

Going back HK

2004-11-10T11:46:00.000+08:00

Damn unwilling to go back but no choice as my dearie granny wanted to see me and I'm so bored that I nearly grow mould. However, I really dont bear to leave everythings behind and just walk away like that. I just afraid he will forget me...
I still love him alot, I wish I could tell him.. everythings. I really have no ideal what I gonna do next. And I have to rush back by the end of month for Oscar the big D&D. He indeed big face huh?! Told, order, request me to come back for the BIG D&D?! How stupid, but school start begining of DEC so didnt actually sacurfiles for him. Who know I change my mind again last min? You can never perdict what I will do?! That's why mu dearie mummy alway complain.. HAHA.. I gave her so much excitement....
I can feel, sense my mummy is damn happy as I really spend my quality time with my brother and her. And still take my time out to go back with them. Indeed happy time spending with family. I'm very thankful to my mummy, no matter what I did she will alway forgive me. Sometime I wanted to cry. She is someone who really has a GOD's heart. Just so wonderful! Wonderful, amazing mummy! And my dearie brother alway give me that act cool face but he( i nearly type she) is damn ai mei..But I love him.

I finally found Minnie!

2004-11-10T01:03:00.000+08:00

Y cant I? Y cant I just throw everything and not remind me anything?! If I ever tell u how silly am I that, I dont even bear to throw away even the bottle we drink<>, reciepts of what we purchased together..etc. For all these things remind me everythings. I discovered how silly am I when I go down to look for the dollar coin toy, Minnie. I recalled I drop my things out when I'm using my lovely and beloved handbag. And so Once I discovered Minnie is no sight in my handbag, I rush down to where I dropped my stuff. I search for 1 hour plus but in vain. SO I'm blaming why must the sweeper been so hardworking when I walk home with a depress heart. I thinking if I should get another one, but It will not be as same as the one lost.. so i didnt!
And guess what?! Minnie was actually in my plastic shopping bag! Stupid me! However, I can feel my love toward this Minnie grow much more and put it just beside my bed with Mickey. 1 hour searching is really a good excerise.

I feel so useless of myself

2004-11-09T18:29:00.000+08:00

I am not working since my last paper. I feel so useless of myself! I have been eatting, sleeping and spending. That's y i feel so useless of myself. Working people or others may be saying good life. But I really feel terribly useless! My friez all said it's okay not wking, but do he know how miserable is the kind of feeling been useless?So bored and so helpless.
I feel bad when I see my friends all working.Everyone seem has their own stuff to bz wif but wat about me, I juz live like an useless dumb! I'm the one see them with envy heart. And we seem a distance away in our friendship. How I wish to catch up with them soon!
The christian said no one should exculde in the circle of their loves even anyone made mistakes. I really think it is very meaningful, but I'm just thinking when I didnt exculde my enemy in my circle of love, I try my best to love them and not talk against them. For I believe God love me, and God will punish whoever deserve. However, I'm just thinking who will did the same to me?! I'm just glad that I still have few friez who stay with me, console me like what my dear yujing did today. she is indeed a very good consoler!!! Who?! Who will not exculde me in their circle of love when I made mistakes?! Not a chriatian but an non-believer! Isnt it a joke of a day?! God, Somehow, i really have no patience, do u know? I pray to you just for a job but I didnt. I pray not to exculde me from anyone, I pray others will understand me, but nothing happen! Give me the stregth to have more faith in your words! I feel so helpless sometime!

Stop ME

2004-11-08T19:58:00.000+08:00

I promised myself not to call him noe message me, but again I cant stop myself. can pls stop all these actions? Shouldnt keep dragging everything like that..

I love you too

2004-11-08T18:46:00.000+08:00

I went out with him, I thought I had forget everything but it's not when i saw himagin. I got even worse when he been very cold to me. My heart cried! The pain is undescribable! He talk to me regarding about the mistakes I made. I cant control but cry as I see my love one dont really understand me. I know all my mistakes but I just avoid as I'm an ostrich, I know others will see me not understand the reason I behave that way but instead think another way of me! But what can I do, I wish to change too, unfortunately i cant, this habit seem one of my organs been with me since I born.
I left alone, I wish the journey can be longer as I am I really tired, tired to move. He said he love me. I wish to tell him I love him too, how much i love him and my feelings toward him and everything. but I'm just thinking if we cant be together, what's the point I made eveything so clear. This will just made both suffer. I cried the whole journey, it explain y i'm so tired to move. Again, i thought by wearing my sunglass, others will not aware that i'm crying. Am I really behave like an ostrich?! Indeed, right? However, all the passagers include the driver know that.. how stupid I am!

Sat

2004-11-07T02:58:00.000+08:00

I really enjoy myself @ the hotel as well as the celebration. Love been with my gal gang, just simply great to have gal outting as well as all gal talk. Everybody feel insercure when showering as the bathroom just simply too translent! It will be better for a couple to go. However, I really love their design, as well as their swimming pool. And among the 7 of us, I am the only one bring my bikini. Indeed thick skin, but who cares, I just want to swim at that lovely SMALL pool. Actually the design of this swimming pool is the same design as Des's new apartment one. I just imagine when will I dare to see him?! I didnt even dare to talk to him, and when he come look for me, I dont even have the gut to look into his eye thuout our conversation! I'm so shy!
I really had a bz Sat yet a healthy one, I checked out from the hotel. Not long after reach home, I went westmall for lunch, the new chinese resturant. It had been long I have not treat my brother and mummy a meal, therefore I just make this offer. The food there really gave us a GREAT disappointment. The food for tasting is so different from what I ordered! My money wasted! And I went for miracle service and movie after that. I watched Princess dairies, trying to imgaine myself been the princess, so lovely!!!! However, I feel so bad and guility torturing Melvin who accompany for the movie. He look damn bored!

Des come!

2004-11-06T13:28:00.000+08:00

He came! I avoided his calls! And this dumb looking brother has his clever act of waiting for me at my places! Just cant imagine why I have a crying feel when I saw him. I think he had calmed down, not as rush as that day. He understand if he put fire in this mattar, I will avoid for sure. And that's explain why he tried to pretend nothing had happened. Clever! Clever brother yet dunb look! However, shy me still dont dare to look into your eyes when talking but I know you know the reason, as you are one of the few in my world really understand me, you want my character, my favourite..and everythings! No one could fight this place with you!

A stone in my heart

2004-11-05T11:40:00.000+08:00

I've been waited today, looking forward for today as I will be going to celebrate my best friez birthday today and I'm really look forward to go Garllery hotel. It is such an unqie design hotel, I really love the design of the hotel. The Furnishing ,.. exspecially their swimming pool, I just cant wait to swim there as like goldfish swimming in its fishing tank.
But why, why must you spoil the mood of my day?! you shouldnt message me. Yeah, there's many time I wish you could call me or message me. But none, and now when you did the content I looking forward you message is not inculded . How disappointed am I...
I feel there's a stone deep in my heart, the stone seem on top of my heart and feel tough to breathe.

Take him away from my mind, my life

2004-11-04T23:49:00.000+08:00

I hace been reading Bible every day before I sleep and pray since sunday. I understand more, I know I had chosen this path of my life, so God give me the strength to take him out of my mind. Dont think of him, worry of him,,,,,,, as my lover but a friend. Do not hide him in my heart for I had chosen to leave him.
Things given by him remind me all the sweetest memories of mine, but heart breaking when I look into it, my heart simply arche!Like taking salt on my wound! So I wanted to took all out of my sight, not to remind me anymore.

I wish everything just a dream

2004-11-04T23:09:00.000+08:00

5 years ago, you confessed to me, I didnt accept you instead your friend.And a world war 3 aguement between both of you break out coz of me. I feel so guility being such a bad gal.Thoughout these years, you have been taking care of me. Being my walking ATM, good adviser, I know you have been treated me like princess. Give me whatever I like. Years later, today, you confessed again and I hurted you again by leaving you mid of the dinner without even inform you. It is too sudden, I know if I stay , the situration will be more clear and more embrass. You should know I alway like to avoid and hide from this. I know if I stay you will definitely ask what you want to find out coz you told me before! You told me you will get to the bottle of the answer if you are the guy who confessed your feeling toward me. I cant deny what you did really touchs my heart, I nearly cried when I saw that necklace. The one got stolen has its own memorable story and this one you gave is another touchy story.
However, I just wish everything is just a dream. I do wish I can accept you, being treated as princess of yours but everything is impossible. I know very well and so do you! How I wish everything did not happen and I remain as your dearie sister.
I hope you understand why I left you there alone. And know I will alway love you and forever as a brother.

I wish I could share my happiness with him

2004-11-04T14:09:00.000+08:00

I just recieved call from kelly regarding the summer school, and so I know I didnt fail my EM3A. I'm very happy, I wanted to call him to tell him the good news, tell him how great is God, God has blessed me. However, I stopped my action. I feel so sad can share my happiness.

Oh my God!

2004-11-04T13:32:00.000+08:00

I didnt join yujing to Ladies nite, as I had planned to go out at first so I really feel Its a crime staying home. So I called my friends out.
During the date, I really cant stand Weijie. I'm not curious whether what he said is true or not, but I'm seriously finding him talking big. Telling me how rich he is, I prefer someone who is more humble. However, I do admire his character as in he is very respondsible. I think I gotta learn from him.

No one could know the pain in my heart

2004-11-02T23:12:00.000+08:00

Talking to all the guys, behaving ultra friendly, you will never know how pain I'm experiencing deep in my heart. Why am I dont look and behave like how I feel?! I just dont understand why I have this weird character. Maybe I'm born to be an entertainer.
Behave very happy when having dinner but past memories just keep running in my mind. I know if I look trouble, it will worsen Desmond's mood so I behave even happier and I feel juz even more worse.
I hope I could just overcome everything. As I have chosen this path, I should not turn back. I just hope to be stronger and not to call him. There's so many time I wanted to call and I stop myself. The pain get even worse when I look at the stuff he bought for me as well as the photographs in my room.Talking to this guy but thinking of another guy on the phone is really miserable! I could just love you in slient , hide you deep in myheart.

My Brother date me!

2004-11-02T13:05:00.000+08:00

My dear brother woke me up early in the morning. I got so fed up coz I selpt at 4am last nite and he kept calling, feel like scolding him at first. But didnt. He asked me out for dinner so I making fun of him, teasing him for dating me. Maybe I did a great job being a great listener. Indeed it is a tough job, he is damn long winded!!!
Poor me, once wake up unable to sleep again, so I just do some cleaning. I look back the coins I got with HIM, both of our name engrave on the coin. I just miss the time been with him. I know well that we cant be together, we met too much problems. However, He will alway love by me in the depth of my heart. Remember by me for life for I'm not one who forget things easily and alway think of all my past sweet memories. And that's y, I called my primary school friend in HK out of sudden. I just miss them at that point of time. Unfortunately, they are not at home and I dont have their mobile as we have not contact for a long time. I was really surprise one of my friend's mum still know who am I when I told her who am I. Heartless me didnt reply their last letter. I'm just been lazy and thinking why cant we post email instead. However, the feeling of recieving their letter is indeed sweet! I wish I could have one now just like how I wish to have a Coca Cola now... I miss you!

Let no more bother my friend

2004-11-02T02:49:00.000+08:00

I went shopping with yujing. I had a great time, I got my new watch, love it so much. I spent too much. After shopping, we chatted at McDonald. Thanks yujing for introducing her friend to me giving me hope that I can start work next week. Hopefully, everythg is fine and I can start by next week. Better than doing nothing but spend. Reach home still do my favourite past time> online shopping. God, YOU are so meciful that YOU bless me, heal my depression,... I really hope that YOU can do this my dearest friend as well, like what You did to me. Heal her heart, her depression, protect her from all the people against her as well as her boyfriend. Let nothing trouble her.
I see her like I am seeing myself. I went through what she is experiencing. I know she is in a very miserable. God, there's many time I feel like crying in the crowd even when I am clubbing. I'm not happy at all and YOU heal me, calm me. I hope this appear to yujing too.
Let no more bunny or bunny's friends hurt yujing. Let them know their actions are intonxicating my friend. Let thrm know they are wrong.
God, help me send messager to show my apologies to whom I feel sorry to. Thank ,God for what You have done to me.
Today, not only chat with yujing but also Des, my dearie brother. I know he is having a very stress life, stress over Jeric's credit card billas well as his works. I really feel very sorry that I cant help him, he find nobody to talk to. He feel helpless. God, Please bring Jeric to his senses. He didnt tell me much, but I know He is in bad mood. Prehap I should give him birthday suprises as my dearis brother's birthday is coming..

Am I too sensitive?!

2004-11-01T01:19:00.000+08:00

Maybe sometime I'm over sensitive, but I change my mind when I think of a friend. What she had said some days ago. Sensitive, isit good or bad? Somehow I think it is good, as it wont hurt others if you are sensitive enough to know how others feel. However, I'm the one who hurt sometimes if i'm sensitive. I might say I dont care but indeed I care. I care how I been treated ,how the way others talk to me. I been hurted so much and I really dont know how should I react. I might not look like the way I behave or the way I look. I'm SHY! I can say I'm very SHY. I dont wish to trouble anyone and if I do I will surely give that preson a treat! yeah, let continue, when I been treated the way i hate, I feel so scare that I dont dare to face that person. Dont wish to see that person as I dont know how should I react. However, what reflect to others is that I'm just simply without manners, I'm rude?! I do know how others will see me but I just simply SHY. What can I do?! How sad am I when I heard my love one stepping me, uttering all the bad things about me. I nearly cry but I just mention in the preious blog. I'm strong. I dont know if I'm strong or what. I'm not like last time, I wont cry like hell. However, i feel much more confortable the way I'm like before but the envoirment had changed me. what can i do?!
I even got more sad, when I wish my best friend Happy birthday, and i dont get respond from him anymore. It is all due to Anthony who reply my friend without my consent. I still remember what my this best friend sent me:-
Do not ask me why i dint reply you next time when U message me.

And that's the reason why I didnt ask him. I know he is trying to forget me. Maybe it is good, I dont wish to have another vitim hurt by me. No more another Gerold, Kokchun.. I should happy for him but I just cant take it. Cant we even stay as close friend as we use to be?! We use to talk to each other about every little stuff in our life and now we have to walk in our own path. We share our funny stuff. Gal and Guy really have no friend exist??!

Exam over

2004-10-21T18:06:00.000+08:00

I drank 2 cans of coke within 2h. Before and after the paper. I just miss the coke in Ngee Ann so much, it just simply chilling. Looking at the christmas tree at he atrium, I just thinking back the christmas tree in HK. I mean the real one at my home, tall and I just love the way it is remind me christmas time together with the cold weather. I simply love it, miss it alot! I have been crazy shopping, I just love to shop so much that even at home I do online shopping as well. I cant imagine how the guy i got marry with could stand me?! Spend so much yet not working and earn. I gave myself all the reason for shopping. Prehap I didnt have a good time doing it for a long time that's y! I just feel great lately! I think I am just good as Lionel really wanted to come back to me. He just make me feel more proud of myself, if i'm not that good y he want to come back. So the conculsion is I"M SIMPLY GOOD!!! HAhaha.. I have so muh craps to talk about lately. There's lots of reasons to feel good. i think all these are blessed by God. THk GOD and praise GOD!!

U understand me?!

2004-10-17T17:22:00.000+08:00

I use to talk to others about my feeling towards anything I feel, but no longer now. However, that dosent mean I changed not to talk anymore.I still got many craps to talk about but not anythg about me. I just not interested in talking about it. Even I know someone misunderstand me, I just been lazy to explain anything. I just dont feel like! I mean what's the point?! Here is the only place I wish to left all my words and feels. I just simply lazy to talk.

I just simply have no more confidence in relationship

2004-10-17T05:44:00.000+08:00

I keep having this urge of writing my blog. I rather throw up my stuff here than telling my friends or anyone. However, doing this is not my point to share my feeling to anyone thu here. I have been keep thinking since yesterday talked to Leny. I dont know if I should believe her or not coz she lied to me before. Her words affected my mood of the whole days. My mind just simply having her words running on my mind. She make me feel really worth leaving Lionel Lee. I had already let go everything but I dont understand why I just keep thinking. I dont wish to talk to her initialy coz I know this will happened. I'm curious but I have no more intention to find out Lionel's stuff anymore. I just dont wish to think anymore. She make me discovered more. 7 years of relationship over isnt a petty if it is not worth. I'm telling the truth that I'm really happier but it did change my life. I have no more confidence in relationship. I know I'm even stronger than ever. I have more aims in my life. I have more career plan in my life, I want to work out and I wish I could sucess. After writing all these, I haven come to my point. A good person from the starting change so much. He just simply change to such a scary evil! His words Plus Leny's word keep running on and off my mind. He said I'm alway the gal he loves andalway the gal he want to be marry. I'm not touch anymore by all these. He claimes that I had given him all the empty promises if I left him. I did feel bad at first but every cause has its reasons. And I can say I have my reasonS breaking my promises. And I know very well one thing is not to make any promise to anyone easily. I feel bad for his changes, cant accept. I been treat quite unfair these days. I dont knowwhat did I do, or I should say I think I didnt do anything wrong but I was been treated attitudely by someone lately. This is the way I hated to be treated, I hav been thinking the reason is due to I come from LIBRA, I just love to be fair and hated to be treated unfairly. However, I didnt really put it to heart. Everything just bad! I want to cry out for what had happened lately. All these stuffs bombed my mind.I just get confused and somehow dont like this kind of feeling. I was really driven crazy by all these stuffs. I wonder when will i gone mad?!

Wat's the point?

2004-10-15T08:37:00.000+08:00

I recieved this testi from my dear friez, but I see no point it is. It will be a great support if it come one week ago. I have already went thu everything, I can said it is the worse time I having. However, I'm not a petty person overall, I'll not keep it by heart. I'm not stong by natural but all my dear friez did a great contributio to it. I'm trained to be!

I finally recovered

2004-10-14T18:27:00.000+08:00

I finally able to recovered and it is a few days ago matters. I solved everything on my own. It is really the most tough time for me! I had broke up with Lionel. He is the main reason for my depression. I'm not sad at ALL. I know very well it is my gain and his loss for the break up. I finally come to my sense to discover that he is a bundle to me and I'm just simply too good for him. And he dont appriciate for what I done. I know he will regret one day but we are no longer POSSIBLE! I discovered alot these days, I'm just forcing myself together with him and it is really a sad thing! And I am simply happy I finally know how to let go. My friends really trained me to be strong. However, after all I have recovered! I'm now just enjoying my happy days everytimes. Cheers..

Change it!

2004-10-10T20:57:00.000+08:00

Sometime people use to look for others weakness or other mistakes in order to make themselves to feel better when they did somethhing wrong. They cant take what they had done is wrong, and in order to make themselve feel better, they seach and dig others mistakes out, to scold that person for they make mistakes too. Isnt it funny? They just want to hide from their mistakes, it is all childish act!We should alway look into our mistakes and change it. I dont know why we have to feel shame about our mistakes? Instead we shouldn't as no one is perfect!

I hate JERIC!!

2004-10-06T13:54:00.000+08:00

I really hate his action although what he do is just showing a kind of concern. I just cant stand him keep forcing me doing things I dont wish to. I miss him so much yet Jeric just want to control my emotional. I know very well I love him a lot. I know he is bad but his bad points are all out of my mind and my mind only left with all the good things about him.
Am I crazy? Sometime I really think so. But who cares, LOVE is blind. I really love him! However, I just dont have the corval to say it out loudly to everyone.Desmond told me to put aside my dignity and express all my feelings. I really dont know should I or not.

Is it true?!

2004-10-05T22:47:00.000+08:00

He said that it will be the last message from him! Is this really going to be real? I'm so sick yet and this point of time he want to kill me. I nearly fall when I'm stand. I'm just simply weak. And dont understand why all people want to worsen my emotion! So tired of all the people' action around me! I'm just too weak to argue back.So all my enemies should come at this time as I'm really too weak to fight at this point of time. I just hoping there is someone infront of me helping me to fight.. I'll be happy enough, and I'll really apprciate.. HEHE..

My birthday

2004-10-05T13:40:00.000+08:00

This is the worse 22nd birthday I have ever got! It is not because of the bad celebration or what. I do love my friends' accompany as well as the celebration they having with me. What I mean is I'm mentally sick! I just have terrible feeling! Lionel called, I cried. He feel sad too as he feel himself such a failure that he didnt make me laugh instead he made me cried. I feel guity after heard that.

I'm confused

2004-10-03T05:28:00.000+08:00

Seriously, I'm touched by LIonel's words few days ago but i see no point of it now. I'm just confused about all his stupid acts as well as words. He just utter his stupid nonsense! Sometime I think I'm really stupid to be touch by him.However, I'm just a very simple gal . I have been thinking back his actions for the past days.I know very well who treat me good, and who worth my love.
And now I'm getting back my energy as I have been eaten normal these days. However, I'm gonna crazy by two men! I wish I can just let thing off smoothly. I hate that kind of feeling. Although I look like I dont care, inside my heart I have been keep thinking and I'm really confused!

I'm in very loss situration

2004-09-27T13:18:00.000+08:00

I only able to eat a meal for three days. I'm not torturing myself but just that I dont have the appetite. I feel uncomfotable even I see my favourite food. I have no mood in eating or drinking. Even my favourite COKE is out of my mind!I have no interest in everythings. I find very giddy. I guess it is all due to my diet. However, I really cant control, I just feel disgusting when I see the food.I dont dare to tell my friend about all these stuff. I just afraid they worry and scare. I dont wish to lead a life like that but I just cant control. I'm scare too, I scare I become a walking skeleton if I carry on my days without food.
I miss him alot. I just cant stop myself thinking of him.
My birthday is coming yet I'm not happy at all. I just simply loss and depress!

I hurt so many people

2004-09-26T01:22:00.000+08:00

I wouldnt have discovered how hurt it is untill I experienced myself. I dont know I have hurted so many people untill I get hurted. I thought avoiding will not hurt people. However, in fact, it is very bad for not able to get an answer. I should be happy to discover my mistake now rather than later.

I'm very selfish

2004-09-25T15:32:00.000+08:00

Gerold told me he still remember our days. He really surprise me for remember all the small little stuff which is few years ago back. Indeed all very sweet memories but I mean no one in my life like me will remember small stuff like this. I'm surprise and touch. Somehow I sense he want to get back together but I just dont know how to reject. Yujing calimed that my action is selfish which I agreed. I promised her I make things clear with him one of these days as I find I have no feeling for him. I'm just being selfish of afraid of the change of his care for me. However, I cant avoid or selfish! Isnt rejecting going out with him is a big hint? I really dont know how to start everything..
I having a very miserable life, I finally discovered why Auntie Lilian said patience is very important. I really learnt alot recently, discovered so much after reading the bible. If not reading it, my depression will get even worse. Sometimes I feel so shame about taking my anti-depression pill, it make me feel like I'm suffering some serious mental problem. I hope I can live without it.

What I want?

2004-09-25T04:03:00.000+08:00

I dont know what I wan. Seriously I dont know. I just pray God will lead me. I waited for his call. Am I stupid? I'm just a fool, it is just a sentence from his mouth, what so big deal about that? why are u feeling so down, Miss cheung? Why must U drink again? it is fattening! You forgot?

I met someone, it is so sweet!

2004-09-24T06:36:00.000+08:00

I met Gerold, my ex-boyfriend last nite. It is so sudden, I'm still in an exciting mood, it is really great to meet long lost friend. We went for coffee at CCK coffee bean.He is just as gentleman as last time. He dressed very formal smart looking. Time really files, last time when we are still together, he still at his teen look and now he changed. However, he calimed that I reamain the same. Should I be embrass or happy about this comment?! He told me he remained single after our relationship. I guess I must have given him a scar. I'm really surprise a guy like him remain single for so long, it should me about 3 years if I am not wrong. It was a silent break caused by me. I just still wondering how could I be so mean to this sweet guy that time.. I just missing in action. He said he had a bad time searching for me but I'm a good catching player. Gerold, I'm sorry. I'm too playful at that age. Anyway, I really hope I am not as I am last time. Finally discovered my mistaken after experience it. It is really painful getting hurt though relationship problem.

_Lionel?! I rather call Zhihui

2004-09-21T02:13:00.000+08:00

He is the guy I have been together for 7 years, A very super sweet guy, he did alot of stuff to cheer me but I simply didnt accept. Perhap we both belong to different planet, that's y! He is the innocent guy went though all the thick and thin with me. Alway lent me his hand when I am introuble. And that's y I can give up anything for him. His friends dislike me and it lead to a bad influrence to the relationship. I hated his friends at first but after sometimes, I found that it was all understandable coz it was all done by him. In people' eyes, I alway bully him but who know how much bad things I have gone though and how much I had bear. The friends just dont understand.Things get even worse since last year end, it is sad to recall what happened. He just cant stand the loneliness at home when he was back from Austrilia. He went out almost everynite and didnt call me as usual as the time he did. He left me out and even I called him when he was outside he tend to be very bad attitude. I became nund on his birthday, because he left me totally alone with his sister at his house in KL. I finished the stuff I have to work on the weekend, and planned to celebrate his birthday. Yet he left me alone without telling me, he just take me for granted. I'm totally depress that time!

Anthony

2004-09-21T01:01:00.000+08:00

A person I really have to thank. I miss his care for me. He has been taking care of me when I needed badly. If not him, I would have hurt myself even more. I love his care and him. I teated him badly, I been so bad for not sparing a thought for him. Most of my friends condemed him coz of his terrible bad habit. They dislike him as understandable. He had show his darkness to them. I guess if views have to change my dearest friends ias well as otherst have to take some times. However, he just have no patience for that. I really wish he can be a better person as in no more bad habit and have more patience. I cant deny that he really someone has good heart and he is someone I want to remember for life. I appriciate for what he done for me. I really wish he can be a good man. May God lead him though all the troubles and bring happiness to him as well as his family and also all the people around him.

I'm quite loss

2004-09-20T23:33:00.000+08:00

I am loss about what my friend want. She dont know how hurt her words are! I wish God changes her like the way HE changed me. I really thank God for changing my personality. If not God change me, I will have leave kelly alone as I'm not a determin person. And I will lose her! I sincerely hope that she is fine, and may God lead her though all the difficluties she is facing now. She alway claimed that our cares for her is kind of sympathize! She totally misunderstood! Somehow I feel lost about her words as she changes everytime. I feel terrible and never will I forget a sentence from her that saying I NEVER think of her feeling BEFORE. I feel so sad about what she said. I might have missed out some small sensitive parts but the words are really too hurting. However, my friends told me not to take it to heart as she is rotting out some rubbish which is not from her heart! I hope she start to think about others feeling but not for me as for my friend because I know they feel just as sad as I am. I love kelly, I love all my friends! I dont wish to see them sad. Everytime I get angry of them and have no patience for their action, I read back all the messages sent by them, thinking back the sweetest things they did for me and I will become stronger to our friendship. I just love them as I need them and need them as I love them.

Am i devil?!

2004-09-14T23:38:00.000+08:00

I feel tired, tired of lies. Whenever I lie, I feel myself just as bad as devil. To stop all these and make myself to feel good of myself, I really have to change and to forget all the past. I should start a fresh by seaching new stuff to fill up my schedule and to force myself to all the arragement. Not to be lazey anymore. The time running so fast yet I'm far behind walking slowly, so lazy! There is so much things I should do and I have waste so much time.
I really hope I can fulfill what I promise myself.

Why sad?!

I miss my buddy, and their company.
In life, I believe there are more things to worth brigten up my day. Y care so much about the Friends? Y make them crash up my world? Words can be say easily but action is tough. I miss them so much, the time with them, the jokes with them. It seem like all these are long ago memories...

Lonely?!

2004-09-11T02:52:00.000+08:00

I am so lonely in my heart now. It is so miserable for me as my emotion cant show though my face. I dont understand my personality. It is such a tough time for me! I really cant stand it.

THURSDAY not for me

2004-09-09T23:41:00.000+08:00

Thursday really not for me.. I hate thursday so much! I think i am indeed a bady sometime, need LOVES so much. Cant be independant at all. Alway realise how important something only when lose, just like all my dearest FRIENDS and others. I often remind myself must treasure everything I have and it is not a MUST to have whatever I have now. Somehow I really thankful to GOD for what he had given me though I'm not a christian. I feel good when I think of HIM. At least I know there is SOMEONE there will love me. And I really hope He will bless me to have the patience to read the BIBLE. Hehe..

I hate THURSDAY!

2004-09-09T16:44:00.000+08:00

Thursday meant to be my project day and yet every thursay my members and me get scolding from our project supervisder. So sickening! However, I start to get use to my days without my closest around me. I wish I can be independant like I am last time. I hate myself for depending on anyone. I miss my schoolmates around, my school seem so quiet nowaday. All the laughiers is no longer been seen! SO SAD!

Im RUDE!?

2004-09-08T13:31:00.000+08:00

I had been in a bad attitude towards my friends. In fact my heart has already forgiven everything, but my brain cant beat my sturborness. To me, the way they treat me are bad as well because I didnt get reply from them. I had taken out my courage to take action but yet.. I'm down and disappointed, feel like giving up the friendship because I dont have the determination. I'm sick of all the silly excuses given. Sometime this way next minutes that way, and she keep changing. Dont know what she want to say. I'm impatience to all these stuff from them.
However, I change my view when I'm alone. As never did they ever treat me this bad way, I did really take them for granted and gave them bad attitude, treated them coldly whenever either I'm in bad mood or they made me angry. I start to realize that kind of feeling when been treated this way. I have been so inconsiderate for not putting myself into theirs. I thought it's okay that treating people coldly as long as I'm not scoling them but I'm wrong. It is much more hurt that the one you care treating you coldly. So I really take all these as lesson for me and it is lucky to discover it now or later.I read back the messages given by them. They are all so lovely and touch. I really dont wish to just let the argument carry on when I read back the message. What puff said is right! Is it really worth to lose a friend due to my sturborness? However, this stupid personality really cant change. It stand so firmly in my heart, I just cant do whatever my brain want me to do.

Puff asked what happened

2004-09-04T10:57:00.000+08:00

I treated Puff coldly. I have alraedy mention at the preious posts . How she take our advise! She been so sturborn! I really have no more patience for all her rubbish responds. I got more angier when i saw how she reply our fish friend. However, i got soft-hearted when I look into her eyes. I can see that she is living in a life of only she and her be-loved bf, maybe to her it is happy; but i think she is miserable, lonely. The whole gang think that she just keep seaching for stupid ideals staying at home. However, I think I have no right to comment on her private life. But I do feel sad when I see all these and when I treat her cold. My sturborness cant beat my action. Perhap I need some time to cool myself down.

I did something bad

2004-09-02T00:47:00.000+08:00

I did something bad, but i'm juz giving a honest comment. I read "someone" journal and given her some comments. Although it is a honest comments, I do feel somehow awd as it might be against GOD. And somehow there is HOLY SPIRIT inside me reminding me not to do it, that why i feel quite bad about it. And I just stand up for my friend. Why must this "someone" keep doing things that hurt my friend? Do u really think your so call "carrot" will still come looking for u? There is so much carrots in this forest of yours, Why ????????????????????? must be this particular carrot? How can one carrot be share among two?

I love my friez but yet she dont appreciate

2004-09-01T19:41:00.000+08:00

All my friez are in a very bad condition due to relationship problem. Including myself. After a long time of struggling, i finally recovered. However, the pain is still there, I know I have a scar that remains forever. I get to discover after days, i find it stupid or i shouldnt put it stupid after thinking & thinking, I find we pretty gals are really silly. Man are born with a personality of FLIRT! So why should we bother?
Now, what really bother me and really worth concern are all my buddies. Exspecially Powerpuff. She brought me around flying around the town no matter happy or down. However, I guess she dont have the energy anymore as she had been intoxicated by "someone". She lost so much WEIGHT,she is in such a bad SHAPE that i thought she is suffering from some kind of illness when i first saw her one of these days. I know all of my buddies in my gang have the same feel like me, It is really heart-breaking. I feel fed up talking to her as she will juz respond me with heaps of rubbish. It is so sickening! So I juz left all the concerning and lecture WORDS to my buddies. I do care for her but she made me feel problem in my communication so do other buddies! I know very well that how bad is her attitude, we will never give up HOPES on her. I just hope and alway pray to GOD that God will strengthen her, make her strong enough to face the REAL fact and stand up again!
Make her wake up in her dream, discover how all her friends love her. How forturnate she is than "someone"!